Don't Presume. Don't Despair.

Don't Presume. Don't Despair
This is the message I gave my Yearbook students today.
I felt that they needed to hear this message on the first day, because we are starting this semester off in a great place compared to last year. However, we are still behind on some major aspects of the process. I didn't want the classes to get too comfortable and presume that everything was on track. I also didn't want them to be feel defeated because of the obstacles we need to overcome.

The title of this blog, and of my lesson, was actually the title of a message Dr. Murray gave this fall at CIU*. When I took Dr. Murray's message and re-purposed it for my class, I had no idea how it would impact ME. Of all days, today was the perfect day for me to chew on this message.

Right in the middle of my preparation for Yearbook class and Art Appreciation, I got an email. The email was from the accounting department at TEAM. They were writing to inform me that my account was incredibly low and that if I did not gain more support in the next couple of weeks, my paycheck would be reduced until further notice. That may not be a huge set back for some people. For me, this was the last financial straw. I was already in the middle of a big loan crisis with two creditors. My school loans became un-deferred and I didn't have the money to make payments. This email from TEAM means that I won't be able to make those payments and I may possibly have too little to pay my bills in Germany.

So, in the midst of feeling inadequate to teach this new course, I received news that left me feeling helpless. I have officially entered the phase that I have anticipated since I got here..... brokenness. I left school as soon as I was able today. I did something that I haven't done in a long time. I simply laid in my bed and cried. I cried physically and I cried out to God. Then I did something else that I haven't done in a while. I spent a significant amount of time on my face before Him.

That's when it happened. God brought Dr. Murray's words back to my mind. Don't Presume.
When I came to BFA I had just won a huge battle. I had raised the money I needed to get here. It was clear that my victory was from the Lord and not of myself. However, when I got here I moved on to other worries and presumed everything would just work itself out. I got lazy in many ways. As a result, I did not receive the extra financial support that I needed to obtain. So, today I sat there feeling defeated. Thankfully the second command in that sermon title now strongly rings in my ears; Don't despair!

Today's reading from My Utmost for His Highest was about receiving from the Lord. While the passage in Oswald Chambers' book was referring to salvation, it reminded me of the truth. Everything I have is from the Lord. All I can do is receive from Him. I can't keep trying to do this on my own.
Verses I had been pushing to the back of mind all day flooded my mind and gave me the comfort I so desperately needed. Philippians 4:4-7, Matthew 6:28-34, and Psalms 121:1-3.

I am still learning my lesson. I will try not to presume. I will not despair.
Instead I will depend on the Lord. I will receive from Him and I will stand strong in His grace (2 Timothy 2:1-3).


*The message was on Joshua and the two battles of Ai. Dr. Murray began his message by reminding us of the story of the battle of Jericho. He then continued to preach about the fatal disaster of the first battle of Ai, which followed that victory. Achan had taken some silver coins and a gold bar from Jericho, clearly disobeying what God had commanded. His sin, and Joshua's underestimation of Ai, led the Israelites to a quick reality check. 3,000 men went to destroy AI. 2,963 returned to Joshua defeated. 36 died in battle.
Don't Presume.
After praying to God, Joshua was let in on Achan's sin. So Achan and his family were stoned. Joshua then received wise counsel from God about the battle. He gathered 30,000 of his greatest warriors, devised a plan, and moved into battle with his army. God gave them victory over Ai. They took of the entire city and were permitted to keep all of the plunder.
Don't Despair.